I just realized that we have 10,000 pages of alcohol information on the Drunk Mans Guide, and not one quote from Norm.
We’re going to fix that right now! Following are some great lines from Norm in Cheers:
- Coach: How are you doing, Norm?
Norm: Cut the small talk and get me a beer.
- Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
- Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what’s up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.
- Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: I heard of that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it.
- Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
- Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?
- Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
- Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?
Norm: Nope, but I am willing to add on.
- Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I’m in a gambling mood, Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
- What’s doing, Norm?
“Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig.”
- How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?”
I’m sorry to hear that.
“No, I mean pour.”
Talk about Oral History!! Here’s a historical Cocktail you might like to make! It’s the 10th Anniversary of the Famous Blue Dress and Monica, and the Oval Office, and Mr. Bill. To make yourself feel better, make a Lewd Lewinski. The recipe is perfect, really, try it.
These are all pretty good ones that I’ve collected from various spots on the Internet.
- “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
— Benjamin Franklin
- “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
— Frank Zappa
- “If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.”
— David Daye
- “Work is the curse of the drinking class.”
— Oscar Wilde
- “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
— Henny Youngman
- “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
— Homer Simpson
- “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
— Dave Barry
- “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
— Ernest Hemmingway
- “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”
— Stephen Wright
- “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
— Frank Sinatra
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat, Jr. had the following to say to the Mississippi State Legislature in 1952:
“You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey.
“If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
“If when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
“This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.”